so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
