having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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