I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
