I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
