they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
