is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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