I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
