he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
