I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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