who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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