oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
