Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
