this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
