Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
