the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
