I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
