from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just threw up on my dentist
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
