OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
