I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My life is pants optional.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
