he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
