You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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