Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
