I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
