I'm drive I can fine osifer
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
