Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
