She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think my vagina is haunted
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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