He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
