I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
