Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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