it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
