it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
