I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
