I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
