If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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