what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
