Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
