I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
