Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
