I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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