Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
