YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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