trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
