Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
