He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
