I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize