I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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