Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
