There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
