You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Are we still banned from the library?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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