I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
