so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
