Four minutes until I can fart!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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