today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
