By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
