i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
